A strange day, with strange feelings spoke to my best and the conversation went on, as she quite often says I’m filled with stories. Lately I realized that my stories never stop as she points. Drifting with the flow I mentioned about my roommate who’s somewhere watching me. She poked and wanted to listen to the story :) and I had not shared this for quite sometime now with anyone, so went with the flow, shared a few glimpses of my experience and the complete story of the dreaded day when someone broke the news that he’s gone, it was scary and unbelievable till I actually saw him lying in the morgue. Couldn’t stay there for long and couldn’t take it.
Almost towards the end of this conversation something struck me and hit me and said “check the date bro”, it was today 19th April I lost this friend, was it a mere coincidence or ??
Dropped the call left to office with this still running in my head. Reached office and it was this mixed feelings that kept me occupied all the way never realized why I was calm and just hooked to music. Not really thinking what happened, rather trying to figure out whats happening to me. It being a pleasant day, not too hot or humid or sunny just the right kind of day, I was in my heart thinking of the good old days we (chandan) spent together.
What was happening to me was out of control, my emotions not senti but smiling and dint want to move out of my cube for I wanted to feel what I was going through and did not want to move from my cube for I just wanted to let it free and let it flow, for I was sure that people around in office would seriously confirm that I’m off my head as I was smiling to myself and it was obvious, I was not on the phone either.
It was a kind of mixed feeling, if niki had to come up with a term I think she would have called it “pickle-ish” it was tangy, sweet, spicy, sour, salty and whatever taste you want to add to the list.
This is what I sent to my best cause I was not sure what was happening to me “I feel heavy inside then I feel light, it is like watching a tragedy with a comedy dialect, you want to laugh but cant and you want to cry not for the pain of loosing but missing but cant either. Strange but true.”
Am happy cause of many reasons
1.I did not hold it back and let it flow and take over me.
2.It was new, nice and a candid feeling and experience.
3.I shared it without any hesitation
4.I did not over think or analyze and be conservative about it neither strangle it nor was depressed about it.
5.I think this is what I call the lost balance found, may be.
6.I had someone to share with
Amazing, it was simply awesome too good to be true and then it reminds me of Niki’s message “If you think it is too goo to be true then it probably is true” :). So true it was splendid and moreover there is no point if you don’t express it. Oh yes, one more to the list of reasons 7. I could express this complex (for me at least) set of emotion.
Now I realize why people who can express stay sane and why everybody told me expressing something good or bad is important.
For a student of life, it is never late to learn :) never late to live…
- A Strange Day..