A Strange Day..
pain013
A strange day, with strange feelings spoke to my best and the conversation went on, as she quite often says I’m filled with stories. Lately I realized that my stories never stop as she points. Drifting with the flow I mentioned about my roommate who’s somewhere watching me. She poked and wanted to listen to the story :) and I had not shared this for quite sometime now with anyone, so went with the flow, shared a few glimpses of my experience and the complete story of the dreaded day when someone broke the news that he’s gone, it was scary and unbelievable till I actually saw him lying in the morgue. Couldn’t stay there for long and couldn’t take it.

Almost towards the end of this conversation something struck me and hit me and said “check the date bro”, it was today 19th April I lost this friend, was it a mere coincidence or ??

Dropped the call left to office with this still running in my head. Reached office and it was this mixed feelings that kept me occupied all the way never realized why I was calm and just hooked to music. Not really thinking what happened, rather trying to figure out whats happening to me. It being a pleasant day, not too hot or humid or sunny just the right kind of day, I was in my heart thinking of the good old days we (chandan) spent together.

What was happening to me was out of control, my emotions not senti but smiling and dint want to move out of my cube for I wanted to feel what I was going through and did not want to move from my cube for I just wanted to let it free and let it flow, for I was sure that people around in office would seriously confirm that I’m off my head as I was smiling to myself and it was obvious, I was not on the phone either.

It was a kind of mixed feeling, if niki had to come up with a term I think she would have called it “pickle-ish” it was tangy, sweet, spicy, sour, salty and whatever taste you want to add to the list.

This is what I sent to my best cause I was not sure what was happening to me “I feel heavy inside then I feel light, it is like watching a tragedy with a comedy dialect, you want to laugh but cant and you want to cry not for the pain of loosing but missing but cant either. Strange but true.”

Am happy cause of many reasons

1.I did not hold it back and let it flow and take over me.
2.It was new, nice and a candid feeling and experience.
3.I shared it without any hesitation
4.I did not over think or analyze and be conservative about it neither strangle it nor was depressed about it.
5.I think this is what I call the lost balance found, may be.
6.I had someone to share with

Amazing, it was simply awesome too good to be true and then it reminds me of Niki’s message “If you think it is too goo to be true then it probably is true” :). So true it was splendid and moreover there is no point if you don’t express it. Oh yes, one more to the list of reasons 7. I could express this complex (for me at least) set of emotion.

Now I realize why people who can express stay sane and why everybody told me expressing something good or bad is important.

For a student of life, it is never late to learn :) never late to live…

A song that touched
pain013
"Give me a sunshine..." is one such song that has touched me and surprisingly can put me to peace every single time... somewhere most of us might be feeling the same...probably its because we share similar feelings or its like "been there, done that" kinda thing... i seriously dint know what to write but just felt like making a note of what i feel about the song...

"Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance i wanna grow up once again"

and

"Saari umar hum marr marr ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do jeene do
Saari umar hum marr marr ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do jeene do"

Amazing lines, life is gonna be much easy when people realize what this songs is trying to say Specially to those who have a confined thinking....

And the amazing composition and the guitar...I'm in love with this Song.....

Adventure Begins @ home...!!
pain013
The year starts as expected, party with loved one… missing a handful… I love to travel as most of them know, it really doesn’t matter if there is a purpose or no cause it just adds up on my way, like picking passengers from different stations…I love doing that cause it really keeps you out of stress and regenerates the much needed free space in your mind, it also ensures that the you are balanced…

Theme this time is spend time with your loved ones as much as you can and enjoy every minute of it… and this is my new year resolution… and I wouldn’t want to break it though resolutions are meant to be broken sooner or later….

I somehow manage not to think while traveling as I believe

“When you are set to do something that you love, there shouldn’t be anything that keeps you pre occupied and if you don’t enjoy what you love, then why on earth and for good reason are you doing it…!???”

Logical…???

This time I mistook AM and PM of my bus timing, booked the tickets for a day bus and wanted to board the night bus and that’s when I realized

“Dude, you have kick started the journey.. Congratulations..!” (Was telling myself ;))

Managed to get lucky and board the last bus to Bangalore, luckier to be in the last window seat (Not being Sarcastic), for I can’t travel long distance with windows wound up… it suffocates… and then I find out that I’m running low on Vitamin “M” for the ticket to even reach half way... Holy Cow…!!! Adventure begins at home (copied and manipulated : p) doesn’t it..?? Then comes the most annoying but really handy gadget and goes a call “Su, I’m running out of cash, get to Jyothi circle and deliver the cash to the bus”

Right on time, he’s there with the cash, bought the ticket…

You feel the cool breeze asking you “all set..?? Lets rock n roll, play some music yo…”

Feeling the Mountain breeze soothing your senses, Soft and romantic music, a dim moonlight and moving shadows of the trees… washing all your worries something like saying “Gone with the Wind”… slowly taking you to the roads that lead to peace within…

In simple words “FALL ASLEEP” :P

Wake up to realize a stranger offering you a cup of much needed dose of caffeine for 5 bucks in the freezing dawn and a news that bus is stationed for half hour as the driver is taking his share of break… why not… then I blend the caffeine with a small dose of nicotine just enough to light you up to see the sunrise, freezing weather, shivering me yet don’t want to stay indoors for one of natures amazing quality “Freshness and purity”

Reached the city in a while for the second sunrise of the year in a city far from the first sunrise… Click Click Click.. urrrghhhh.. stupid truck… looks ok not bad… reached my friends abode and “Wake up dude, open the door, I’m outside your flat” calling him on the phone… then I get some rest and snore to glory for my next journey…

“We will be landing in 20 minutes and the weather looks fine for a safe landing announces the captain” I have to stop here for now…

O ya curious about the first sunrise…Stay curious… will blurt it soon… ;)

Evolution...
pain013
Anxiety dies down and is buried by some brilliant words, some wonderful conversations and lots of texting… Finally a free mind sets on its one of the most awaited journey...

Isn’t it all it takes?? Meet the right kind of people, share what you are going through and get the right kind of advice in a perfect logical manner... and just keep wondering, what happened??? I Is it really that simple...!!!???

For a person like me, it has never been easy to cope up with problems that involve emotion and sentiments… But I still manage to get compliments like “You are a critical thinker, and you can think from all round the circle” (Not boasting, but thought it should come here) from people sitting miles away and whom I have met once, this holds good and perfect at work for you need this at work. But when I come back to me as a person and apply this to the personal life, it goes chaotic… a very few know that I over think matters and these “FEW” have helped me learn where to stop and they stop me when I over think… They have helped me understand why it is important to control your thoughts and made me realize how better life can get if your thought process is under control…

I think I have mentioned about this article from speaking tree (I don’t recall if I did, that’s k), shared by one of my best friend (I consider, wouldn’t be wrong if I say so), in simple words it says “Don’t worry about things that are not under your control, rather think what is in your control and sort things out there… (Not the exact words) but that’s the logic I was missing. May be I was so lost that I couldn’t think of it… (Dude, u r not a knowledge bank, Wake Up…!! ;) )

Since bob’s left it had been quite a long while I have conversed with people who have made me feel alive, now (that I’m talking to 2 such kind ;p) almost daily for a few hours in and out, I know I can do things my way… else I would have been a robot programmed to work by some weird looking freaky electronic codes :S

Something new learnt which is effective and working well and handy for life,

It is just not enough if you can think from all perspective, but it is more important that you know where and when to stop thinking

A free mind can certainly make wonders and keep you at peace. Things have changed, the way I look at things have changed and best part is I know I’m changing (this surprises many who know me from a really long time ). It is like I have been through the re-habilitation of mind therapy to keep you serene…

Life is as you want it to be and not what it looks like. Simpler the way you look at it better you live and enjoy. That’s what I have concluded keeping in mind the words of the “Therapists”


Both of you don’t realize how much you have helped me by just being there, when I told this to Bob’s she was so glad that I was sane and not worried or sulking…

2 HDD
pain013
Sometimes i feel what do i write here for a very simple reason.."if i have a space in me to write everything, then why.. cant i write it in there..?? yup.. its time to be confused again... ;).

I have been so much writing inside, now i feel may be its time for me to share.. in Niki's words.."it'll erupt one fine day, a volcano", it was just the time when many started making sense to me... it would indeed be an outburst of endless pain when you have so much to say and no one to listen.. what good is an experience unshared, what good is a language unspoken and what good is an education if it cant teach...

Linkin park played

"I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time...."

Ow.. where did this come from.. it does make sense to me... why wouldn't it..i have tried this it did not work for me either..it comes out at some point, some way or the other... Thanks to the listeners (p.s. i don't have to name them).. if not for them to hear me out.. i would be aeyaaaa...

Then Linkin played:

"Discomfort, endlessly has pulled
Itself upon me distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem"

This is what i was a couple of months..hmmmm yrs ago... but yes as one said..work endlessly to help your self and then you need to love your self to love others and then do good to you and you will do it to others.. "it all comes back to me in the end"...unless you see your self the way you want to be, you can never be the person what you want to be...

Apache rapped:

"Me say you're running and you're running and you're running away
but from yourself you know you cant hide"

True.. you may run everywhere but from whom, you can never hide from yourself and when you face that "U", would realize what you wanted to be and what you have become..but then there is no looking back...

Metallica Rocked everyone with these marvelous lines:

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

Its all wonderful when you look at it with a free mind..that's when it all makes sense only when you express, share and believe that the other one is your ear... it is just as good as writing within with more space..like 2 hard drives instead of one... ;)

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